Hi. Its me. This is not one of those prayer letters. Just plain talking. Noone to talk to, u see. I am learning to ride the bike nicely, finally, all thanks to you.
Every night, I cannot sleep in peace. There is something pricking me always inside my mind. I am always thinking of all the bad that can happen. I look at Athirah’s picture a lot these days. God, where are you? What are you waiting for? I am trying so hard, I am out of answers and ideas now. My mind is killing me. The present way of life is making me think of suicide.
You know everything. Where are you God? I want Athirah and the job God. U remember how much I wanted to be a President then? Today, I feel like its the biggest punishment that any man can get because of all his sins. This moment God. I cant even cry in peace. I need your help a lot rihght now. I swear one day soon I will commit suicide otherwise. I am loosing all control over me God.
I think I have done something very wrong in my past life and in this life. Maybe I hurt someone very badly and you are making me feel the same way as they felt. Sorry if that is the case.
U know some days I get lost in the pain inside my head and just dream of the things that I so badly want. For a moment, peace comes back. And then its gone again.
What should I do God? How do I get through this? Tell me what to do and I’ll do. God, I have not had one friend in the past 7-8 years. Its very lonely out here. There is love inside of my hesrt. Just need a chance to show it. You know it all. Why am I even telling you? Please. Help me no.
Bye. Love you. Take care.