Well, it’s certainly been interesting these past few days.
To be honest, I don’t feel anything anymore. This morning, I woke up at 3:50 out of terror. I don’t know what to do. I can’t cry so much anymore. It’s quite sad actually. I think I’m getting accustomed to feeling numb. I feel empty inside, just a bit. I honestly don’t know if that’s how I always feel or if that’s new.
Hmmm, well, I really pray to You that I passed those exams. I cannot fathom the embarrassment following failure of such easy exams. I really pray to You that I passed. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep tonight, but I pray to You, God, that I’ll forget about them and I pray that I passed. Please. Please, please help me, God. Please, hear me, please hear my suffering and cries because no one else can. Please help me, have mercy on my soul, and please help me. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I hate school and then I love how it keeps my mind off of sad things, but now school is making me really sad. Please, hear me, and please make it stop.
I don’t know what’s going to happen next year. To be honest, I kind of expect it to be much worse than now, and that scares me. If I can’t handle now, then how can I handle later? And to be honest, I don’t know who I am anymore. I am starting to believe that I really am stupid and weak and pathetic. I really am starting to believe it, God. I feel as if I’m not intelligent enough for this school anymore. Everyone is so smart, and I feel as if I am becoming an idiot as every second passes. But I pray that You can remind me how wonderful I am.
Please hear me, God. Please. Please. Please. I hate this all so, so much.
Well, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, and I hope I can spend the next 40 days as a radiant child of God. Don’t worry, God, I’ll serve Your children— my brothers and sisters. I’ll thank you one day for all of the wonderful things You have done for me. I’ll pray and fast and donate. I promise You.
Please, God, don’t allow me to waste my life. I pray that my life is amazing and full of love, bliss, and happiness. Please help me through all the bad days that lie ahead of me, for I am too weak without You. Lord, increase my sufferings, and with them increase Thy love in my heart.
In Jesus’ name we pray,