I’ve been trying to get in touch with you so hard lately. I’m pretty sure I succeeded one day, but now I can’t really find you anymore. Where are you? I need you so much.
This year (actually, these past 2 years) have been amazing and tough, and challenging, all at the same time.
You made me realize two of my biggest dreams, and I will never stop saying thanks to you for that, even though one of my dreams has just flown away. That makes me sad, but you kept your promise: you made me try.
As my best friend says, the second one has turned into a nightmare. But I still appreciate it, because now I know what it is like. I will try to accept it no matter what.
thanks for realizing my dreams, and I feel like even thanking you for the bad things. if I tell someone all I had to go through, they will hardly believe me: I lost the love of my life and my best friend at the same time. I got raped, and straight after that I got into a violent relationship. I had to go through the whole process of a report, which I am still going through. I saw death again with my own eyes, but thanks to you he gained some sort of lucidity and let go of the grip. I thought he would have chocked me, until I started praying inside, and he calmed down, every single time.
So thanks for having given me the strength to stop this insane relationship and to break up with him. Thanks for giving me the guts to try and tell my love what I felt. Thanks for giving me my family, my friends, who have been so close to me in the past few months.
You know it, because I always tell you. I don’t want much in life. I already got to move, one of the things I’ve always desired to get. I don’t want a lot of money, I don’t want power, I don’t want fame. I don’t want to be the best at something, I don’t want to reach an important role in life. All I ask for is love. Serenity. Health, if possible. I know it sounds even more, right? But at least it’s something that you would like too, wouldn’t you. Isn’t love our primary goal in this life? I don’t even have to force myself into this, I just love loving. I don’t like bearing any grudge, I’m actually bad at it. I love helping people, I love giving my love to someone.
So please, just allow me to love and be loved. I’d love it if you can make it work between us. He is so lovely, and cute, and handsome, and full of life. You know why I want him so bad, dear God? It’s because he gives me joie de vivre. he is so full of life, of sparkles, he just shines. He feels like nothing touches him, he has few problems, because he just lets them go. I just need him for this. I need to laugh, stop crying and enjoy life, finally with someone who respects me. Someone who is there for me, while my entire family is thousand of miles away from me.. I get so lonely at times, you know that right..
Please dear Lord, listen to me just once more. I won’t bother you anymore with my prayers.
There are four men I need in my life right now: my dad, my brother, him and You. Please let all of you stay.